Today I am grateful for:
- The Lion King
- Free food
- Adventures
- The police officer who saw me napping on the ground and asked if I was okay
- The woman walking by who said, "They must be really tired."
- Kindness
- Check ins
- Generosity
- Getting what you ask for
- Asking for what you want
- Sleep
- Deep deep sleep
- Sleeping in
- Rest
- Recovery
- Cozy favorite oversized t-shirts
- Warm laundry
- Breakfast tacos
- Incense that work
- Deep breaths
- Showers
- Toothbrushes
- Hot baths
Today I'm feeling:
- Tired
- A little anxious
- A little desperate for comfort and care
- Wishing I could express all I wanted to express without fear
ant
- Rested
- Restored
- Refreshed
- Active
- Held
For now I'll go with:
- Grateful
- Blessed
- Loved
Why
Why do I gate keep my emotions?
Why am I so afraid of you finding out?
What is so scary about you knowing?
Is it because I have to be sure?
Is it because my week currently feels like a blur?
Is it because I don't want to lose you?
Is it because I don't want to make things awkward?
Is it because I'm afraid?
Of repeating
the same cycles?
Of it being a thing?
Of it being a big deal?
Is it because I secretly want a secretly and I just want it to be us and no one else?
Is it maybe because I want to test the waters while simultaneously diving into the deep end?
Is it because I'm new to this and haven't had practice in a while?
Is it because I'm scared and I'm allowed to be?
Is it because I don't want to get hurt and I don't want to hurt but I can't prevent pain and I cannot control the feelings of others or myself?
Or is it maybe because you are the kindest human I know and I want it to stay that way?
Or because my heart does this thing when I see you or someone says your name?
Or is it because I understand you so well,
And I don't understand you at all,
And I so desperately want to know it all?
Is it because I'm not used to you being anyone else's?
So it's hard to see?
Is it because I only want you with me?