It is bewildering.
It is stunning.
It is sensational.
It is a miracle.
I feel like my entire world has shifted before my eyes unbeknownst to me.
Was I asleep?
Am I waking?
Where did this come from?
How did it get here?
Do I need to answer those questions?
Does it really matter?
Or does all that matters is that it's here now?
And how do we appreciate what is here now.
How do we be here now.
I try.
Very hard.
To be present.
To be with people.
When I can.
My goal in life is to live the way an old mentor of mine would live -
Deeply present with every single person in their life.
They were one of the busiest people I knew,
but,
when they were with you,
they were only with you,
and it made you feel like the most important person in the world.
I want that.
I want my gift to each person to be a smile.
To be gratitude.
To be my presence.
I want to be the sunshine.
I want to light up the world.
I want to spread joy and graciousness and peace and kindness and a warmth that tastes like a homemade meal.
And I know I will fail.
Because I am human and being imperfect is in my DNA.
Because intentions don't always have the same impact.
Because sometimes I don't know everything.
That's part of the fun.
Part of the experience.
So I'm here.
And I'm trying.
Thank you, Universe,
For this opportunity to receive
And to see all that is available to me.
All that I am capable of.
All that I can do so that I may choose what I want to do
and not what I believe I should
or what I think others would think I should.
Following this fiery passion like a light in the darkest night.
It is so beautiful.
It is magical.
It is everything.
God, I love my life.
I am so so lucky.
I am so so blessed.
Every moment is not rainbows.
Every second is not left untarnished.
There are dark times.
There are desperate hours.
There are thoughts that swirl me into a cesspool that feels inescapable.
But, holy cats, I'm a very, very lucky gal.
Today I am grateful for:
- You
- For my home
- For our talks
- For my ability to walk
- To see
- To bee
- To free
- I am grateful for this moment
- I am grateful for this memory
- I am grateful for the fact that it didn't really matter. That worry. That thought. The things I feared so desperately. Or still do. Or still might. It's okay. Everything is okay. Somehow. It's all okay. 👌