Please stop lying to yourself. Just because he doesn't want you doesn't mean you're not wantable. The world does not revolve around him. Even if it feels like it does. He is not the only man. Even if it feels like he is. Please be kind to my friend.
Don't call her stupid. Don't call her dumb. Don't tell me she deserves it because she pricked her thumb. She deserves to be treated with kindness and respect Give her forgiveness and wrap your arms around her to protect- her mind, body, and spirit from all this distress - You wouldn't let someone do that to your child, So why do you do it to yourself? If you give a mouse a cookie...
Is it your fault you have mice?
I feel like sometimes we fall in love with a projection
A reflection A rejection A shadow of recreation These fairytales we've carefully constructed in the nations - Of our minds Through our blinds Tied up in fast forwards and rewinds Caught in the entanglement of our thoughts Of who they are and who they are not We only see what we want them to be They become what they are not We can't see that they're already caught We can't see through the midst Of our sighs and our "I can't resist" Imagining the kiss We can't see them for who they truly are: A broken-down used car, A gateless fenced in cattle yard, A dry bar, A wet map, A sinking ship, A mouse trap - Or maybe we can. Maybe we see them for their entire broken, shattered, complete, whole, beautiful, half, shameless, bashful, crazy, wonder-filled, blended, breathless, loveable, unloveable selves. Maybe we love them with or without their mental health, Their financial wealth, Their emotional availability, Their personal insecurity. Maybe we love them exactly as they are. And that's what makes it so hard.
But why do I still want him?
A: What do you think?
B: I think it smells like bath and body works and fresh popcorn mixed with teenage angst, hormonal rage, and misidentified machismo. A: Huh.
I think it was that moment when you walked in and everyone expected way more than you were willing to give. That moment when you just wanted to live. That moment.
What if everything's taken care of?
What if everything's fine?
What if I'm also on your mind? What if we're waitin' on the divine- Timing of it all Before we fall Before we make the final call
And then suddenly you feel absolutely worthless
And the thoughts pour in As you face their grin Those with the eyes who wish they were where you've been And they can't comfort you Because all those thoughts you think they're thinking happen to be true Yes yes I get it Yes yes I know It's not my fault that you didn't go Welcome to Rockville!
Can you try to hide your disappointment?
Can you try to hide your doubt? I know, I was awful - you don't have to shout. Just because I sucked doesn't mean that I suck Are you always this selfish? Are you always this fucked? And now we both feel like we've been demolished by a plastic truck I hate this feeling I hate this muck I hate hating anything, can we be like Maybeline and just makeup? Bark Bark
Distract yourself.
100-97-94- Guess who's now a permanent cast member of Sorority Quest: Adventures In Time at Six Flags Fiesta Texas? This gal:
It was the way she looked at me
Reflecting all my insecurities You think I need you to hear those things? To feel To see That I'll never be enough for you to love me? Rave Babes
Because it's okay
It's really okay It's okay Time For Your [Greta] Glow Up
What if it's okay?
Happy Pride, Kweens
Is it okay?
Fit Check
Are you okay?
Just Greta Things
Why are thoughts so loud?
Why do I feel like I can pick yours out in a crowd The way that you scream The way that you hiss The way you say, "It shouldn't be like this!" Underrating every moment we had to build A friendship you destroyed when you made me yield To your stressed-out threats To your poisoned mouth I get that you're angry I get that you're miffed But was it me that you had to rudely dismiss? Is it because I'm right? Is it because I'm kind? Is it because your anger made you blind? Is it because you can't get out of your own fucking mind?
I wanted to be your friend
I wanted to trust But you just showed me you don't give a fuck about us
Stand your fucking ground.
Do not back down.
Go ahead and frown
I will smile Go ahead and pout I will shout Go ahead and scout I'll walk out Go ahead and kick I will dodge Go ahead and scream I'll wear AirPods Go ahead and fight I'll block with all my might - All of this shit you're throwing around All of this for a fucking gown Do you always treat your friends like a clown - That showed up at the wrong party Stuck in a half-dead courtesy Walking and laughing without mercy Trying to pursue The check they were due The blown-up balloons The fuck is your problem? I know it's not me. But shit, if you keep treating me this way, it's about to be. And sometimes it feels like you would do anything to make me smile
Strange as it may seem
You're the one who's living in between my dreams I think angels smell like men's cologne They reach out to you through the telephone And they dress like toddlers on holidays And they don't say, "It's just a phase" And they tase like ice-cold almond milk blended with peanut butter, mashed bananas, ice cubes, and protein powder poured carefully into a small plastic cup that's been drizzled with chocolate syrup at a co-op named after a three-dimensional shape, handed to you by a man with biceps he cannot hide behind his tiny green apron. I think angels look like the smile she gives you every morning or the way he holds your hand They sound like the birds you only hear after the first peaceful night's sleep in months. Like the sound of his voice when you need a laugh Or lavender salts in the bubble bath They act like a child lost in the music Like a cat making biscuits Or two dogs sitting at the feet of their owner Or a bird that lands softly on the fence as you walk by A squirrel that looks too closely in your eyes A rabbit that appears in your lawn A small fawn The smell of dawn They're a cardinal painting your world red The songs in your head The first sip of a carbonated beverage The last of your tea The place you never knew you always wanted to be They don't cause confusion They don't bring you doubt They give you signs that look like a shout To your innards Your soul To help you reach your goal To remind you you're unstoppable To show you what is possible That's who they are That's what they do When was the last time they visited you? And then the universe reminds you how amazing you are.Here are some photos and a video of the piece I choreographed called "New Rules" for Concordia University - Saint Paul's Spring Into Dance Concert 2023. Due to unforeseen circumstances, I stepped in for my female soloist on the day the video was recorded. She is the one in the photos. "She's a dancerrrrrrrr" Oh and here's the alumni piece called "Triptych," choreographed by Jan Puffer, which I also performed in for the same concert. No big deal. "She's a singerrrrrr"Oh and here's me singing as a swing in for Sorority Quest: Adventures in Time at Six Flags Fiesta Texas. YES BIG DEAL. Because I'm Peter And you're Wendy And I wanna fly Will you keep pulling out my feathers every time I pass you by? Or will you wave a silent goodbye? Shed a tear and not let me wipe your eye? Wish you were the leggings rolling up my thigh? Say goodbye Don't wonder why Just say goodbye and Let me fly Title: Who Needs Cups?And I'm feeling like a crazy person sipping a protein shake from a blender Hoping everyone at Planet Fitness is disassociating as much as I am In their own little corners of the world Hoping they're just as invisible as I'd like to be How many people? How many people see me? Thank you for my amazing new headshots!I highly recommend ABM Photography! Don't stress yourself. Invest in yourself. Thank you for my incredible familyTrying to hold on to these moments & their sentimentalityBecause you influence people more than you know. There are things you don't see. & their supportAnd it hurts me to know I can't be as present as you want me to be. But I need you to know I hold onto you. When I'm feeling crazy. When I'm feeling through. & all the pupperino therapy I could have ever requested.And they love me anyway. Thank you for my incredible jobThank you for my beautiful work placeThank you for allowing me to bring the comforts of home to workAnd sometimes I think about messaging this girl I used to know and telling her how crazy I was about her. I'm feeling. [Period.] And I love when he says my name and how it makes me feel needed wanted loved thought of held in the arms of his mind. And it disgusts me how much I wanted you And I'm having trouble believing there will ever be a person like the one I've dreamed up in my mind. And then you realize other people are whole humans too. Sometimes I think, "I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to be this. Anymore." But that's not a choice you gave me. I am what I am. There's no going back. It doesn't matter how many times I tell myself what I could have, should have done. What I could have done does not matter. What I should have done does not matter. Sometimes bad things happen. But that doesn't mean you have to stop trusting yourself. Or that you have to stop trusting God. But if I'm so protected - how could this have happened? If I'm so blessed - If I'm so lucky - Why did this have to happen? I don't know why this had to happen. Maybe it didn't have to happen. The point is that it did. And it's not 'worth' anything. Ever. It never will be. Nothing will ever be 'worth' going through that. But I'm alive. And as long as I'm alive I'm going to live. That may sound stupid, but it's true. Because he doesn't get anymore power over me. I can't give him anymore power over me. A: There is so much pain in the world. B: Yes. But there is also so much healing. "Oh sure. I was just thinking about that. I was just thinking about how my mom - like when I was younger - she always made those crispy tacos. My phone just recorded everything I said. Oh, it's still recording." - a note on my phone And why is it so easy for me to find something to do that keeps me up 'till 3am? And why is it so easy to fall for something you can't have? And why is it so easy to put someone on a pedestal and paint them into the prince charming you want them to be? And why is it so painful when you finally see All of them and all of their honesty Their roughness Their raw Their immaturity Their youth Their truth? And why is it we only remember snippets of dreams? A: Business Idea: "a venting booth." B: Isn't that just called confession? A: Well - B: Or therapy? A: Well - Is it possible that it just gets worse? "Squirrels. I have trouble with squirrels." She tells it to us. What are we going to do with her story? What if everything's fine? Can everything just be fine? 1: If Saint Anthony is the saint of lost things, can you pray to him if you've lost your heart? 2: You can't lose your heart. 1: Then why does it feel like it's missing? A: Why do you have all those cuts all over your hands? B: I think it's a physical manifestation of the way I beat myself up psychologically. A: Oh. B: What about you? I believe you. Is it possible to miss something you've never had? "Daddy used to take me walking down the street Daddy used to take my hand, say "Follow me" Daddy used to leave me back home all the time I got big enough to run around, daddy left me outside He said, "Find your way back Big, big world, but you got it, baby Find your way back, don't let this life drive you crazy Find your way back, come back home 'fore the street lights on Find your way back, find your way back" Daddy used to tell me, "Look up at the stars It's been a long time, but remember who you are Circle of life, but one day, I might not make it Circle of life, but one day, I might not make it" But you just got to find your way back Big, big world, but you got it, baby Find your way back, don't let this life drive you crazy Find your way back, come back home 'fore the street lights on Find your way back, find your way back Daddy used to teach me all my moves Run around, 'round, had to tie my shoes Itty bitty child with a smile like you Wild, wild child look a lot like you Daddy used to teach me all my tricks Run around wild, had to get my fix Daddy used to teach me all my plays On a marathon, had to run my race Find your way back Big, big world, but you got it, baby Find your way back, don't let this life drive you crazy Find your way back, come back home 'fore the street lights on Find your way back, find your way back, yeah Rikirobo roborebe Mamasibo robirebi rebi Skindanu dinda dundun Sibirobo roborebe Oroboskibo robi rebirebi Skidin dadun dadun daya Daddy used to teach me all my moves Run around wild, had to tie my shoes Itty bitty child with a smile like you Wild, wild child look a lot like you Daddy used to teach me all my tricks Run around wild, had to get my fix Daddy used to teach me all my plays On a marathon, told me run my race Find your way back" So Happy To Be Back At Rockville :')She's ready to ROCKShe's puttin' in the WORKSo, I am one of the many swings for the Rockville show called "Sorority Quest: Adventures in Time" at Six Flags Fiesta Texas. I am learning all 9 actor tracks, but I started with one of my favorites. Here are some photos of me in rehearsal. Happy Rockville Debut to MEWhen they cast you as a diva...Production PhotosPhotos by Danny Gabriel 05/27/23Photos by Heather Collins 05/29/23Photo by Space.CoastersI'm back in!!! They put me in, Coach! I will be in shows as a dancer through June 13th! I'll also be on as a dancer June 18th, 23rd, 24th, & July 7-8th.Oh, yeah, and I'm doing this other thing...The FitYes, we do look similarThe MakeupThe GirlsThe BoysThe BootsThe FansProduction PhotosPhotos by Santana's SnapshotsDanny Gabriel 05/28/23Photo by Space.CoastersThank you for giving me something to focus on Thank you for my incredible friends and co-workers and supervisors and for all their kindness and support and thank you, thank you, thank you BLARGH is how I feel every time I think of you
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About the Author:Amy Abrigo is an actor, director, writer, and much more currently living in her hometown of San Antonio, Texas. Archives
April 2024
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