1. Merry Christmas, From SeaWorld!
2. Confessions of a Workaholic
3. A Few Homemade Decorations
4. Things I Am Grateful For
5. Another Poem
Sometimes it feels like it could never happen
will never happen
cannot happen
how?
how could it be possible?
how, in the middle of a pandemic?
how, when I continue to push myself to no end?
how, when I do nothing to change where I am?
how, when all my co-workers are half my age, gay, or married?
how, when I refuse to open myself to love?
how, when I refuse to give myself time to love myself?
how, when I can't? how, when I won't? how, when I don't?
And I keep reading these books and watching these movies, seeing these shows and acting out these plays,
holding hands in character and reaching for love in all the wrong places,
breaking hearts because I can't dedicate a moment of my time to not making money,
stealing glances because I've lost my chances,
measuring moments,
taking you in like a forbidden treasure,
knowing there's no one,
knowing there's no way,
wishing there was some place,
some day,
some how,
but there is no you,
I've trained myself,
created you,
made you into a something,
but how can there be a you, when there's no me?
And I keep seeing these people fall in love and wondering if it will ever happen,
wondering if its still possible,
if its not too late,
if its not too late to find someone,
to meet someone,
and who is it going to be?
Like, who are you that would want me?