Still?
And you think, “No – STILL? I can’t STILL be grieving. Right? I mean COME ON, what was that – like –“
But you can’t think of when “it” was
Because there is no “it”
It’s actually multiple “its”
There is so much that you are grieving
So much that you are processing
So much that you are trying to and coming to understand
So much that is and isn’t in your hand
And you’re trying to be grateful
And you’re trying to be proud
And you’re trying to see why people look at you funny when you think out loud
And you realize why it’s so hard
And you realize why you’re over eating and over spending and under sleeping
And you want so desperately to connect with others
But they keep falling through
And you get scared when people actually want to see you
But you have to be brave
You have to be strong
And you are
And you’ve already come so far
And if you want an answer you’ve got to ask a question
And the more you ask, the less you’ll seek perfection
And the more you ask, the less afraid you will be
And someday
You’ll see
That it’s okay to grieve
It’s okay to process
It’s okay to feel
And hurt
And care
And cope
And this is your way of getting through
This is what you know how to do
And so you’re learning how to do something new
And I just want to say, I’m so proud of you.
(Sung to the tune of "Tradition" from Fiddler on the Roof:)
And how do we keep our shows good?
That I can tell you in one word:
AUDITION, AUDITION, . . AUDITION!
AUDITION, AUDITION, . . AUDITION!
Because of our auditions,
we've had good shows for many, many years
Here in America,
we have auditions for everything.
Broadway Shows,
Fake TV,
Water parks,
Netflix specials.
For instance, we always keep our resumes with us,
and always regret our last headshot session.
This shows our constant devotion to perfection.
You may ask,
How did these auditions get started?
I'll tell you . . .
I don't know.
But it's the audition!
And because of our auditions,
everyone of us knows who they are,
and what the playwright expects them to do.
Who day and night must scramble for a living
Feed their self and children
Say their daily prayers
And who has the right
As a human being
To afford their own telephone?
The Actors, the actors . . . AUDITION!
The Actors, the actors . . . AUDITION!
Who must know the way to do a monologue?
A comic one, dramtic one
Who can't raise a family or buy a home
But is free to do what they love?
The Actors, the actors . . . AUDITION!
The Actors, the actors . . . AUDITION!
At three I started getting dressed
At four I did my hair
I hear they picked a role for me I hope... I get it
And who do director's guide to speak and sing and dance
Preparing me to marry whoever Shakespeare picks?
The Actors, the actors . . . AUDITION!
The Actors, the actors . . . AUDITION!
And in the circle of our little theatre,
we've always had our special types.
For instance,
Deborah, the stitcher
Jan, the choreographer
And most important of all,
our beloved artistic director.
Director, may I ask you a question?
Certainly, Actor.
Is there a proper way to say this line?
A proper way to say this line? Of course.
And I will surely tell you . . .
Once we close the show!
*actor laugh cries and then sings:*
Why, why, why, why?
Why, why, why, why?
Why, why, why, why?
Why, why, why, why?
Why?
Why, why, why, why?
Why, why, why, why?
Why, why, why, why?
Why, why, why, why?
Why?
Then there are the others in our theatre.
They make a much bigger circle.
*actor points to lighting and sound operators*
We don't bother them
and, so far, they don't bother us.
*dramatic lighting change*
And among ourselves,
we always get along perfectly well.
Of course, there was the time when he gave her a role
and told her no one was getting paid,
When she was really the only one not getting paid.
But now it's all over.
And we all live in simple peace and harmony.
*actor whispers into her ear:*
"Everyone else got paid except you."
*director:*
They were volunteers!
*her*
Actor, knows they were paid!
PAID!
THEY WERE PAID!!!!
AUDITION, AUDITION, . . AUDITION!
AUDITION, AUDITION, . . AUDITION!
Why, why, why, why, why?
Why, why, why, why?
Auditions, auditions.
Without auditions,
Our shows would be as shaky as...
as an unmemorized actor!
For those of you following along:
Today I am grateful for:
- People who express their love, feelings, and emotions
- Vulnerability and the windows it opens
- Feeling all the feels
- Plaid flannel shirts
- Pumpkin pies
- Vegan shakes
- Recognizing and working on my addiction to people who challenge me to get their attention
- Creating my own socialization
- Opportunities that appear as if out of nowhere
- Miracles
- Magic
- The penny I found on the floor walking into work this morning
- De-humidifiers
- Information
- Clarity
- New adventures
- New beginnings
- Learning about kiwis and making the promise to try one next time I go to the grocery store!
- Frozen meals and their cost-effectiveness
- Whataburger being one of the few restaurants actually able to staff their restaurant enough to be open 24 hours post-covid
- Surprise visitors
- Warm hugs
- Lightning bugs
- Kernels of wisdom
- Mums - the flowers and the humans
- Little pumpkins
- All the smiles
- All the ways the universe spared me today
- Today
- Tomorrow
- All the full yesterdays