Take a moment
Today I am grateful for:
- Volunteer opportunities
- Time with pupperinos
- Social time
- New adventures and classes and stretches and time with friends and building bonds and relationships and joy
- Giving yourself and others the benefit of the doubt
- Classic basic minimalism clothing items
- Cozy hoodies
- Shoes that make you feel bad @ss
- Clothes that support you like a bar table on a saturday night
- Knowing I am more than enough
- Knowing I am worthy of love
- Cute headbands and hairbands and tiny hats
- Panda Express
- Orange Chicken
- Tiny pumpkins
Messages received
In the muck
In the dirt
In the progress
In the crushing self-worth
In the hard work
In the determination
To shine
To glow
No matter the struggle
No matter how buried you may feel,
Surrounded by muck and mud and rocks,
As the rain pours down and blends itself into you
The swirl of the chaos
The pleasure
The pain
The I'll see you again
The comfort
The flow
The yes I do and I don't know
The giving up and letting go
The sitting down and letting the good times roll
The maybe yes, maybe no
Someday
Will be
Maybe is
Maybe are
Already just as in love with you
As you are with them
FFTs
Maybe tomorrow
It means not now
It means I don't have time
It means I'm not good enough
It means Maybe that's just not for me
It means I can't afford
It means I don't deserve
It means yeah but
It means not trying
It means trying and never trying again
It means feeling like you just can't win
It feels like being a toddler
It feels like the toddler inside of you wants to kick and scream and punch and bite and snarl and
Its hangry
And its sad
And its feeling overwhelmed and mad
And it's shaming ourselves for "being bad"
For not completing the deadlines no one else knew we had
It's feeling like it will never end
It's feeling like maybe this wasn't the right decision
It's regret
It's forget
It's indecision
It's I don't really need to be in the kitchen
It's maybe I'll just watch
It's every time you think something will take a lifetime out of you and it only takes five minutes
It's that little feeling that bubbles inside you called guilt and fear when you make something worse or bigger than it is -
When you build something with your worry into this giant snowball that's less of a ball and more of a monster, but when you turn on the heater of reality it melts away and all you're left with is the small dust pile that took you two minutes to sweep when you finally cleaned your apartment
It's beautiful and hard
It's ugly and soft
It feels weak
It makes you feel small
But when you try
When you recognize
When you sit in the pain
When you let yourself have your tantrum and you lay on the floor and you kick and scream and you eat the pint of ice cream and you say that's that and this is this and if I really want 4 than I have to add 2 plus 2. Or subtract 5 from 1 or divide 16 by 4. There might be many ways to achieve a result, but you gotta pick one and take action. And it doesn't have to be today. And maybe you don't have to take action at all. But you can. But again, you don't have to
So don't expect perfection
Don't expect anything
Don't determine your needs before you drink your water
Don't plan your future without a calendar
You
Don't
Know
You
Just
Live
You
Just
Try
So give yourself some kindness
Let yourself scream and shout
Climb into your bowl of guilt
And someday you'll get out
But know you have to get back in
Because that's just livin'