Is it closure that you want?
From who?
From you?
Is it closure that I want?
Is it closure that you want? From who? From you? Today I am grateful:To disappear into the lives of others To celebrate someone else To get out of my head To focus on someone, something, anyone else instead To watch the undead To bring my inner child back to life To let myself smile To let myself hurt To let myself be scared and disturbed To be angry and sad To feel happy and bad To feel so so confused To feel beaten and bruised To feel jilted and used And its all okay, I promise it is, Sometimes we just have to hurt It's not your fault It's just a little dirt And it's okay to feel hurt And happy To feel proud And sad To feel excited and grateful To feel good and bad And I love you all And I am so proud And I tried my best to shout out loud And it was good to see you, to meet you again To say hello to my slippery friends Congratulations, congratulations I say! May you have many more beautiful days. It's funny how 2500 people can make you feel so alone How you can become a stranger in what used to be your home And I wonder what it will be like in 10 years, or 20? Will anyone remember me? Will I be only one of the few in the plenty? And what will that feel like? And who will I be? And what is it I was hoping to see? The greatest Salsa of them all! The smallest big boy sitting tall! And it reminds me of you
Sitting out near the blue It's just as bright and colorful Remember that one time you watched me fall? And its cozy and its sweet And they said they made it fresh And I wouldn't expect any less And I sit and I laugh And I joke and I smile And I stay here, for just a little while Soaking it all in Trying not to let the mosquitos get under my skin And, no its not perfect, but it is pretty and light And I think I might just take another bite. I wish I could make these words come out alright And I wonder and ask And I want to remove your mask And I should just stay on task Stay, Amy, stay behind the glass Let go, and let go fast This isn't your human There's no reason to ask But- What if- No. No. You have to let go.
"Be yourself."
"Be who you truly are." "Be authentic." "Be your true self." I'm still trying to understand what this means. Part of it, for me, is growing to understand that 1. I cannot control anyone but myself and 2. If I want to be happy, I need to focus on my happiness. It is up to me to decide if I want to choose happiness and I'm going to try. And in order to get there I have to stop doing things for other people and do them for me. This does not mean I need to be entirely full of myself and selfish, but it does mean being a little bit selfish. It does mean really stopping and thinking "do I want to do this or not" and listening. And it is so easy sometimes to fall into something. It is so easy to let someone else or something else take over your life and just go with the flow. But it always leads to resentment because I stop living for myself and begin to live for that other person and expect them to change or to somehow pat me on the back for sacrificing myself and my happiness even though they are perfectly happy with themselves and with where they are and have no plans to conform to my idea of who they should or shouldn't be. Fascinating. TLDR: I'm working on discovering what all this 'being authentic' talk is really about. Look at me grow!What does PMS feel like?
It feels like an existential crisis
Like is my blood and tears priceless It reeks of pure lies Of a thousand goodbyes It tastes like never enough Or big girls should be tough And how could I? And why did that one say goodbye? And they'll never choose me And me? No, of course I'm not worthy And why would they And HEY Remember you'll always be alone And I wish there was someone on the other end of that phone And maybe if I run Or if I eat this cinnamon bun And maybe if I hide Will I ever be a bride? And maybe if I see Could anyone ever love me? And maybe if I do everything Or nothing It is fear It is love It is giving all and taking too much It is pancakes for dinner, breakfast, and lunch And when did my boobs get that big And how deep is the grave I have to dig? And how do I find value and beauty in myself no matter what the numbers say? And it's okay, shh, shh, it's okay. Breathe, okay? It's right when you feel like you're falling a part It's your not It's you are It's maybe it's okay that you are But it hurts And these tears are dehydrating my mind And I can't think And I think too much And I want to do everything all at once And shhhhhhh shh shh Sleep If I just sleep And it's wishing you were a little girl again so you're mom would hold you Hold you and comb your hair until you fell asleep And tell you its okay to cry And help you catch the bouquet And you cry and you cry and you don't know why And you tell yourself everyone who said they loved you was telling you a lie And you feel like you don't know what to do How could you? You? Shhhh shh shh Sleep I just need sleep Please Sleep A Poem
And what?
You want a poem? You think you deserve a poem? I mean, I guess you do, it's not like you don't I can't say this one is really about you, I mean, I will and I won't You think - You wonder - You check - Did I make the list? Am I qualified? Do I join the few, the many, those who ave been worthy of poetry? Of her words? I'm sick of words. I'm sick of the words. Words don't hold you. Words don't sing you to sleep. Words don't make you feel safe. Not the way arms do. Not the way hands do. Not the way a soul does pouring itself into you. And I wished for that. I wanted that so badly. Still do. But, I'm sorry to say, it's not going to come from you. Planted
And I feel like a plant that has overgrown its pot
My roots, hanging out for the world to see, searching, grabbing for fresh soil, water, nutrients, love, anything, really, Staring down at myself from above, trying not to leaf-myself behind, trying to grow and shrink at the same time, Trying to shine, Like I'm drowning in myself, Lost in the vines of my own thoughts, my own actions, What do I really want? Is it air? Sunlight? Water? Is it freedom? Grounding? Stability or options? Options for stability? Can someone just carry me to their mansion and keep me safe and warm? Do things work like that anymore? This
And suddenly, it creeps up on you without a word
Without a notice Like a bird Softly moving through the trees Unnoticed until the breeze Revealing it's figure to you, It never meant to scare you, it's true It just is what it is I never want anyone to feel like this. Look at all my gifts!TLDR: I am one lucky lady.
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About the Author:Amy Abrigo is an actor, director, writer, and much more currently living in her hometown of San Antonio, Texas. Archives
April 2024
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