Prologue: You Are The Special
- "I free myself and everyone in my life from old past hurts. They are free and I am free to move into new glorious experiences"
- "I am safe. It's only change"
- "I am willing to change"
- "It's only a thought and a thought can be changed"
- "I release the need to blame anyone including myself. We are doing the best we can with the understanding, knowledge, and awareness we have"
- "I let go of all expectations"
- "I willingly forgive"
- "I see with compassion and understanding"
- "I love life"
- "I love my body"
- "All is well"
- "Each problem has a solution"
- "I am at peace"
- "We do not have to earn the right to love. The fact that we exist means that we are worth loving. I do not have to earn love. Others reflect the love I have for myself."
- "I say OUT to any negative thought that comes to my mind"
- "That which I need comes to me in the perfect time and space"
- "I now establish a new understanding of success"
- "Prosperity of every kind is drawn to me"
- "I am open and receptive to new avenues of income"
- "I now receive my good from expected and unexpected sources"
- "I am blessed beyond my fondest dreams"
- "I deserve the best and I accept the best now"
- "Loving people fill my life and I find myself expressing love easily to others"
- "I love and approve of myself"
- "I love my family"
- "I have a loving, joyous, harmonious family and we all have excellent communication"
There's Your Sign
- Spiders:
- feminine energy
- creativity
- weaver of life's fate
- your “shadow” or “shadow self” are aspects of your personality or your life that you or other people deem unworthy or not likable and are therefore rejected or repressed
- patience regarding a project or some ideas that you are trying to realize
- this spirit animal could guide you to integrate some piece of your personal “puzzle” and gain a more coherent perspective on your life
- gain perspective on an issue or project you contemplate taking on
- you might be repressing some feelings or trying to remove tension from your life
- you may feel that some aspects of your personality or your life are not aligned with your highest interest or that you or your people around you are rejecting them
- Are you weaving your dreams into reality?
- Are you moving toward a central goal or are you scattered and going in multiple directions?
- Are you becoming too involved and or self-absorbed?
- Are you focusing on others’ accomplishments and not on your own?
- Do you need to write or draw and are not following through?
- Are you developing resentment because of it – for yourself or for them?
- Roaches
- You are able to take on responsibility and adaptability.
- 5 relates to the Throat (5th) Chakra, or neck, which is about seeing things from both sides and being flexible with our opinions
- represents balance – nothing is ever completely black or white, except in our thinking.
- Do I put on a happy face when someone is actually making my skin crawl?!
- Where do I need to clean up in life? E.g. physically/ emotionally.
- Where are there ‘bugs’ in my thinking?
- Am I willing to do the ‘dirty work’ needed to eliminate my baggage? Or do I stand back and criticise myself instead?
- Do I see the world as a hostile place, where everything is a competition and I have to ‘kill or be killed’?
- Do I share what I have? Cockroaches are extremely cooperative and guide each other to food sources so the group can thrive.
- Where am I barely surviving? Cockroaches can live without food for a month, but that doesn’t mean they enjoy starvation.
- Do I judge people who have less money or choices than me?
- Do I feel safer in the shadows, even though I need the light?
- Have I been feeling isolated? Cockroaches are social creatures who need physical contact with each other for good health.
- you’ll only be cured when you understand that nothing in this world can harm your Immortal Soul.
- uncleanness
- longevity, tenacity and renewal
- You need to reevaluate major aspects of your life
- an undesirable aspect of yourself in which you need to confront
- Peacock
- Self-Esteem
- Humor
- Vision
- Spiritual Awakening
- Long Life
- Confidence
- Awareness
- Leadership Skills
- Enjoying Life
- Resurrection
- Being Well Balanced
- Light Hearted
- Self-love
- "In Buddhism - When open a fully flaunted peacocks tail looks of a huge Chinese hand fan. This symbolizes openness and acceptance to Buddhists. One of the references a peacock symbolizes is long life or immortality. This is because the peacock was well known to eat plants that were poisonous in nature and would kill if eaten by humans. Buddhists thought that because of this peacocks could not only live but do so with ease even though they were enduring major suffering. To the buddhist, the peacock in every sense of the word signifies purity, hence why their feathers are often used in purification ceremonies."
- compassionate heart, being kind, virtue, patience, and good fortune
- take something from the past, learn from it, better yourself, and then use to open new doors
- rebirth and resurrection
- you can rise again no matter what you have been through
- What are your true colors? By letting your true self show and showing your real colors you allow and inspire others to do the same
- The Color Orange
- "joy, warmth, heat, sunshine, enthusiasm, creativity, success, encouragement, change, determination, health, stimulation, happiness, fun, enjoyment, balance, sexuality, freedom, expression, and fascination"
- joy and creativity
- compassion, passion, and warmth
-
The Color Blue
- the sky and the sea
- open spaces, freedom, intuition, imagination, expansiveness, inspiration, sensitivity
- depth, trust, loyalty, sincerity, wisdom, confidence, stability, faith, intelligence
- invokes rest and can cause the body to produce chemicals that are calming and exude feelings of tranquility
- brings peace, or is believed to keep the bad spirits awa
- something blue bridal tradition represents love
- "dark blue can be seen as elegant, rich, sophisticated, intelligent, and old-fashioned, royal blue can represent superiority, and light blue can mean honesty and trustworthiness"
- The Color Pink
- Compassion
- Nuturing and love
- Unconditional love and understanding
- Giving and receiving nurture
- potential for success
- passion and energy
- Intuitive and insightful
- Tenderness and kindness with its empathy and sensitivity
- hope
- everything will be okay
- "a need for acceptance, support, and unconditional love"
- seeking appreciation, respect and admiration
- good health
- The Color Red
- energy, passion, action
- excites the emotions
- motivates us to take action
- pioneering spirit
- leadership qualities
- ambition
- determination
- strong-will power
- confidence
- physical movement
- The Color Yellow
- Personal power and fufilment
- abundance, courage, self-confidence
- wisdom, intellect
- aids logic, memory, concentration, will-power, communication
- creative and intellectual energy
- happiness and optimism
- clarity, sunlight
- Cheerful, joyful, friendly
- overcoming money troubles
- Personal power, strength, sense of self-worth, transformation, courage and laughter
- Doors
- “When one door shuts another one opens”
- "I open new doors to life"
- "Doors were made to protect people living in certain closed object from outer dangers and threats, such as bad weather, wild animals, human enemies, burglary or else"
- "allow people to trespass from closed to open space"
- "passage between the worlds"
- "illustrates dualities people live by"
- paradox and duality
- Closed Doors
- new beginnings but also closures
- finished chapters in people's lives
- Open Doors
- new beginnings
- new horizons
- adventure
- progress
- moving forward in life
- "once you close some doors behind you, another door will open in front of you"
- opportunity, hope, positivity, motivation
- entering new chapter in life
- uncertainty and excitement about something new
- stepping into a world you do not know
- Through the doors, you pass from the safe, cozy environment into a world full of challenges, uncertainties and risks.
The Adventures of Unemployment
When I first applied for unemployment I was told the above - that I wasn't eligible because they couldn't find any wages during the base year. I filed an appeal form with the pay stubs and heard nothing. I assume they are still in the midst of that appeal process, honestly. Then, once the CARES Act passed I was told I was previously found ineligible, but was now eligible through the CARES Act and would start receiving funds that week. Then I was told, due to fraud, they wouldn't be able to send me payments (as usual) via direct deposit, but that I would have to wait until July 7th to receive a debit card from them that they would load with my payments, and I would have to pay a $2 fee to transfer that money to my bank account. That $2 goes to US Bank, the corporation making all the debit cards. Interesting, no?
Okay, so then I'm told that because I'm eligible through this specific 'department' due to the CARES Act, despite me filing my biweekly claims through unemployment, I have to fill out a separate weekly form on this pandemic unemployment specific page. I know, it all sounds like a scam, but it really is legit. Okay, so then on this weekly form my claims only start in May. However, I applied for unemployment and was affected by my hours being lowered on 3/8/2020 due to Villanova University closing. So. Why am I not receiving payments beginning 3/8/20? Well, this is what I tried to ask via email, but only received the message (months later): "According to our records you are not eligible for UC benefits due to the fact that you did not have any wages in the base year. Claims up through June 27, 2020 have been cancelled." Now, as I mentioned before, I have received my first check - do I still keep that check? Or are they going to take that back away from me? I have read about cases where individuals were found eligible and then ineligible and had to pay back the funds given them. Do I have to do that?
So, the other option is that this guy who emailed me, John, maybe was only looking at my main unemployment file and not the pandemic specific file so he does not see that I am eligible through the CARES Act and will receive payment. OR I'm totally wrong and the money I received needs to be given back. Another problem? My first check was two weeks worth of money, NOT all the money they owe me since 3/8/20 or even May 2020. Just as if I just started getting paid. So. If I am supposed to be paid since 3/8/20 or even May if that's when the CARES Act passed or some bullsh!t, then why am I not being sent back pay? And if I'm not getting back pay does that just mean I get paid longer? For example, do I just get paid until my weeks are filled even if/when the CARES Act expires? So. Many. Questions.
And I have a Masters Degree. And Google. And a computer. And savings. Can you imagine someone else in my shoes? AND ALL WE ARE TRYING TO DO IS SURVIVE IN THE MIDST OF A GLOBAL PANDEMIC? WHY IS THIS SO HARD? PLEASE. WEAR. MASKS. PLEASE. STAY. HOME. PLEASE EXTEND THE CARES ACT.
And ya'll wondering why people are angry?
F.