Today I am grateful for:
- Big orders
- Opportunities
- Friendship and bravery
- Running into Ally at the grocery
- Sourdough french toast
- Sugar-free syrup
- Cardio
- Letting go
- Crystal rocks
- Moon socks
- The magic and mystery and glory of Target
- Accepting
- Feeling angry
- Feeling sad
- Feeling mad
- Feeling happy
- Feeling confused
- Feeling
- Feeling all the feelings
- Not needing to know
- Not needing to understand
- Just letting go
- Letting go
- I am a human feeling
- I am a human feeling
- I am a human feeling
- I am a human feeling capable of letting go
- I am a human capable of feeling and healing and saying no
- I am a human capable of standing my ground
- I am a human capable of so much
- Soft t-shirts and warm hugs
- Glittery and lightning bugs
- Feathered-down blankets and satin pajamas
- Sleepovers and sleeping bags
- Golden age musical theatre
- Hearing that one song you haven't heard in far too long and being able to sing along
- Recognizing
- Knowing that feeding the pain only makes it grow, but also knowing when to leave my binge eating alone because its what my body needs or mind or soul or being and it's me that I'm freeing and I can only take one day at a time and I can only hope and I can only breathe and I can also fly and I can really achieve and I can dance and sing and play make believe and I'm allowed to seethe and I'm allowed to seed, to breed my own joy and bleed what I no longer need, I am allowed to be captured and I am allowed to be freed
And sometimes
And I look at my life like a strategic plan without any regard for how I am
And so I think x + y = z but really it's 123 and then abc = 4 but who knew there was never a door?
So now I'm here feeling stuck
Feeling like I'm down on my luck
Trying not to give a f*ck
But it isn't easy
It isn't clear
And your laugh doesn't make it any easier
So do your best not to stand so near
And give me the space I need to get my head clear
And I can move forward
And I can move back
To a state of being where I feel, think, and act relaxed
And it is coming
It is near
Just please don't lean over and whisper in my ear
The things I always wanted to hear
It's too much
It's like a large lunch
And it spoils my dinner
And surprises my heart
And gives my body quite the start
So perhaps we better stay 6 feet apart
Please be gentle with my courageous heart
And I won't run out before the show starts