Today I am grateful for:
- I am grateful for giving myself permission to feel
- I am grateful for arts and crafts
- I am grateful for baking
- I am grateful for comfort
- I am grateful for surprise parties
- I am grateful for decorating and coloring and watching Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone in the rain
- I am grateful for meeting new people and hearing new stories
- I am grateful for believing in myself
- I am grateful for my strength
- I am grateful for my maturity
- I am grateful for my courage
- I am grateful for my self-discipline
- I am grateful for feather pens
- I am grateful for pumpkins and ghosts and hot tea
- I am grateful for tea bags with inspirational messages
- I am grateful for falling in love with everyone, just a little bit
- I am grateful for this beautiful life
- I am grateful for new opportunities
- I am grateful for delegating
- I am grateful for stepping down, aside, or up
- I am grateful for checking what something is adding to my life, to balancing my life, to seeing what is best for me
- I am grateful for setting boundaries for myself
- I am grateful for self-awareness
- I am grateful for re-writing scripts and limiting beliefs
- I am grateful for play dough and googly eyes
- I am grateful for the smell of laundry detergent and cleaner
- I am grateful for minty blue
- I am grateful for the smell of peppermint bark
- I am grateful for big toothy smiles and stay awhiles
- I am grateful for asking for help
- I am grateful for asking for what I need
- I am grateful for saying yes and no and maybe
- I am grateful for deep restful sleep
This year I learned
- That I am much stronger than I ever thought
- That body combat class makes me feel like a bad@ss
- That I am much more capable than I gave myself credit for
- That just because I am not currently utilizing every skill I have does not mean I do not have those skills
- That just because I am not being paid for something, doesn't mean it doesn't have value or just because it isn't connected to my career, it doesn't have value
- That I don't need outside validation, though it is nice
- That I can recognize my worth and accomplishments without others
- That I am worthy
- That I am enough
- That I get to decide what "enough" looks like in my life and that level can change but right now it is enough - it is exactly enough for me
- That co-dependency is not always 100% negative
- That I can communicate
- That I am safe
- That I am strong
- That I am capable
- That I don't have to know everything
- That I don't have to come up with all the ideas
- That other people can be amazing too
- That I can step back, away, aside, and down
- That I can rest
- That I can relax
- That I can enjoy
- That I can live my best life and it can be easy
And
The you I wanted to set me free
The you I wanted to rescue me
from this pain
from this hurt
from this loneliness
This thing I've wanted for so long
This other place I can belong
This feeling
This being
This bridge to self-healing
But some things we have to do alone
Some things we have to do at home
Some things we can't get from others
And sometimes people let us down
And it hurts because it feels like they were just dragging us around
And when were they gonna finally let us down?
But we can't know
And they won't show
So we have to let those thoughts and feelings go
And just move on
And just accept
And let the unsettled dust get swept
And it's not easy
But no one said it would be
And now we know
And now we can go
And build our own set
And put on our show
And plant new roots that might actually grow
Because we kept pouring them into glass
Expecting something
Expecting the last
seed to have planted
and watered
and grown
But here we are with dry seeds and glass and tears all alone
And it feels like so much changed and nothing at all
And it feels like we're back looking for the prince at the ball
Or maybe the princess
Who really knows
We just find ourselves sitting, staring down at our toes
And it sucks
because we know our worth
we've known our royal status since our birth -
so why do we feel so alone on this earth?
And when are our prayers going to finally be heard?
When will the clouds part?
When will the doves sing?
When will all that love we give finally come back in return?
When will we be able to show off what we've learned?
And be able to breathe someone in
Who's mine all mine with no fine print
When will the soup be done boiling?
When will the kettle whistle?
When will the shepherd find his lamb?
When will the pot of gold be found?
When will the thunder stop coming down?
When
oh
When
please let me know
Please hurry
Please get here
I'm lost in this blur
I need you
I miss you
I feel you so near
But listen and find that I can't see you clear
So do whatever it is that you need to do
And I promise I will do the work too
I'm ready
I'm waiting
I'm looking for you
And I look forward to saying, "There you are, I finally found you."