Does that sound too good to be true?
It's so silly -
I mean, I feel so silly -
And I'm terrified that, for some reason, you're waiting for me -
is that just how it's meant to be?
I feel so confused.
Don't let me be used.
But it's funny to me because I sit here thinking and worrying and fantasizing and doing alllllllllllllllllll this and you probably have no idea. You are probably off in some wonderful land wondering what you're going to have for breakfast, nodding off in a delightful nap with your hands in your lap. Just chillin.
Mean while -
Me over here -
Spending hours trying to decide if I should tell you how I feel, when I feel like there's no way you don't already know my deal -
I mean, seriously, for real?
You HAVE to know.
I'm just SO obvious.
Even I'm disgusted with myself over it at times, but, it's like -
I can't help it.
I mean, sure, sure I can,
But I just get so happy. So so happy.
Do you see that?
Do you know?
And then you give me these bread crumbs.
These moments.
These words.
And I get so confused.
It's like it all starts up again and I'm lost in the quicksand of my mind,
Trying to find - you
But I can't
Because I can't know what you think unless I ask
I can't know what you feel unless you say
I can't suddenly be yours in less than a day
No matter what I say
No matter if you say okay
It's just
So much
Can I just brush you away?
Into some far corner of my mind.
I thought I was fine.
This is just so wild.
I feel like a child.
Like - do men ever go through this?
This crushing bliss? This wish for a kiss? This can I be your ignorance?
It's fascinating
The thoughts I'm exterminating
Hating
Co-creating
Relating
If I followed my intuition -
Here's my secret mission -
1. I tell you the truth. You say yes. I stay. You say no. I go.
OR
2. I say nothing. We both keep bluffing. We stay in the fantasy. We stay in the not knowing. We stay in the mystery. I stay glowing.
I've done this before. It didn't go well. That's when he told me about his other southern belle. That was a shame. So, I understand, you're not totally to blame. And I'm not even thinking about what you want. It's all me, me, me. It's all where do I want to be. And it's in someone's arms. It's in someone's charms. But that someone isn't anyone, its true. It's someone. And that someone is you.