Two years ago, mid-quarantine, I was searching for a new life and some sort of performance based career. I began working at Six Flags and then SeaWorld, and I simultaneously began my Noom journey, attempting to find and maintain a positive loving relationship with my body, food, and movement. I wanted to better myself. I wanted progress in my life and career even if theaters were still closed. I sought every opportunity I could in the theme park realm, and I found a new home and an incredible acting career where I learned how to improvise, create original characters and magical memorable moments for thousands of guests daily through both scripted and unscripted performances.
I shared the stage with multiple sea lions like Han, Salsa, Leon, Loki, Digit, and Raider. I handed props off to otters like Saki and Bubba. I met and witnessed the incredible talent, passion, and care of the animal trainers and husbandry assistants at SeaWorld.
I learned what a “scare actor” was and what it was like to be inside a full silicone face mask and elbow length fake arms in 100 degree Texas heat. I learned to ask for breaks and water, and I learned how to breathe calmly through a mask with one eye hole and one breathing slot in a small room with lots of fog behind a gated fence while hundreds of guests cat called me and held their phones up to record or photograph me like a zoo animal in its cage while I pretended to be a Disney princess.
I learned that my love for Christmas could be personified into a character named “Elfie” and another silent character named “Mime.” Or an Officer named Holly. I learned I could mime. I learned how to do my own makeup. I learned how to make an entire stadium roar with laughter. I learned the limits of my body and/or lack thereof. I danced. I lip sang to mariah carey. I did karaoke for the first time. I rocked. I rolled. I slid out through the flaps and nearly fell into a mote. I did fall into a mote. Multiple times. I dropped props into a mote. Multiple times. Props that were never meant to go into a mote (don’t worry they are all animal safe and designed to float).
I saw my apple watch sink to the bottom of the mote after jumping in the pool off the 2nd floor of the set (don’t worry it survived).
I slid down a water tower slide on purpose and didn’t die.
I learned how to swim. I got SCUBA certified. I took a swim test. I passed it. I got the interview. I got the job. I didn’t take it.
I had crushes. On so many people. Obsessions. I fell in love. I fell in lust. I was hurt. I hurt. I was broken. I broke. I survived. I was rejected. I was accepted.
I put on a wig. So many times. Top wigs from the last two years include: Napoleon Dynamite and Flashdance. I watched two sea lions graduate probably about 750 times. I met SO many people.
I went from 215lbs to 165lbs to 185lbs to 170lbs. More importantly, I found balance in my diet, I learned how to care for myself, I learned how to cook, I learned what Body Combat was and Walk at Home videos and I found movement and nutrition options that work for me and bring me joy. I slept. I ate. I drank water. So much water. And hot tea!
I made my first curry and pad thai and soup and I perfected the art of the spinach salad and overnight oats. And I learned what caloric density was and how to navigate setting boundaries and speaking up for myself and communicating my needs and desires. And I said no and I wished I said no. And I said yes and I said maybe. I thought about. I changed my mind. I learned how to validate my feelings and my friends’ feelings. I learned how to speak up for my feelings. I learned how to put myself out there. I was confident. I was bold. I was led on. I led on. I was given bread crumbs that led nowhere. I left crumbs.
I did “A Chorus Line”. Period.
I stepped in for Junie B. Jones. I got in a fight with the tooth witches. I learned what I could do with my voice and my body and my movement. I heard what 500 kids laughing all at once sounds like.
I toured as a gecko. Period.
I got flowers. I had opening nights. I tech-ed. And rehearsed. And played.
I was part of world premiere shows that allowed my name to be in the credits as the original cast in a published script (Eddie & Vinnie).
I was in two short films. And commercials. And had my first experience as a voice actor for a podcast (thanks Travis & Ash & Michael & Strange Fantasy Podcast)! I had my first experience as a background actor and got to be part of the incredible team that helped make HBO’s “Love and Death.”
I sat in a hair and makeup trailer and had my makeup done for me. And they curled my hair, and they gave me a lip kit for “touch ups.” and they said things like “action” and “cut” and “rolling” and “continuity” and “crafting.” And I got so much free food. So much.
And I was fed and watered and cared for.
And I had my best friend in the whole world by my side the entire time. And I made new friends.
And I earned my Reiki I & II certification. And a certificate in Energy Healing. And I took a ballet class. And voice lessons. And I did my first professional one woman show reading books to kids around a campfire as Safari Jaime in Wild Days 2021.
And I worked in the SeaWorld costume shop and helped design original costumes like the living vine that I hand stitched and decorated with faux butterflies and flowers and vines.
And I was a wardrobe dresser for The Lion King and On Your Feet and Hamilton and The Grinch and Tootsie and and and and and and I got to watch Aaron Burr sing “The Room Where it Happens” from the wings. And I got to help Angelica Schuyler get dressed. And I washed the Grinch’s gloves. And I did so much laundry. And folded. And pressed. And steamed. And sorted. And labelled. And categorized. And organized. And hunted. And found. And helped. And sewed. And stitched.
And I mended and I broke and I re-mended my relationships with my parents. And myself.
And I healed. And I hurt. And I talked. And I spoke. And I wrote and I wrote and I wrote.
And I performed my poems for the first time at an open mic and people did not throw fruit at me. And the DJ said he hoped I’d come back. And someone asked me for my site so they could follow my poems.
And I started “my channel.” And I followed and subscribed and liked. And I grew. And I got stronger. And I pushed. And I stretched. And I fought. And I struggled. And I let go. And I released. And I was stubborn and peaceful, happy and sad. Angry and silly, pretty and mad. And I thought before I spoke and I never bought a cloak.
And I went up in the tower!
And I walked along the river.
And I got my valet parking paid for. And I had parties. And I made mistakes. And I made good choices. And I celebrated. And I dated. And I appreciated.
And I auditioned for my first broadway show. And I submitted. And submitted. And I recorded and recorded.
And monologues. And scenes.
And I shared my poems with the world! And my blog. And I tiktoked and youtubed and instagramed and I made stories and reels and posts. And I applied and applied and applied. And I tried to find validation anywhere but inside and I cried and I found all my worth and my value and my enoughness and I finished tarot school and got my own decks and crystals and incense and I played chess for the first time and did so many things I never thought I could do.
And. And. And. When I figured we would be wearing face masks for the rest of our lives, I thought, “Hmm, this seems as good as time as any.” And so, because it felt like a way I could create my own progress in a world that was ever changing and yet constantly stagnant, I got braces. Why not, I thought? Why not better myself as I slept? And I was so scared I wouldn’t be able to perform while I had them because most characters don’t have braces.
But, you know what?
I’ve performed more in the last two years with braces than I’ve ever performed in my life. Period.
So. I got braces in January 2021. I took the risk. I took the leap. And I am so glad I did. When I first got my braces, they said I would have them for three years through Jan 2024. But, I kept praying and I kept hoping and I brushed and I flossed and I wore my rubber bands and I got up in the middle of the night when I yawned and they snapped in my mouth. I got up to replaced them even though I just wanted to sleep. And I went to my appointments. All my appointments. And they tightened them. And tightened them. And I took ibuprofen. And I ate soft foods and drank liquids. And I couldn’t chew gum or eat popcorn or nuts or bite into an apple or a carrot. And I waited and I waited for that lucky day. And I hoped and I prayed. And every day I would say “I believe in miracles. My braces are coming off today. I believe in miracles.”
And my smile is so beautiful that I am amazed every time I look in the mirror. Even more, my everlasting joy bursts forth through my smile and is reflected back to me in everyone I see. Even more, I radiate positivity and I wish only joy, peace, and love for everyone I see. What is and always was meant to be. Is all I see.
So here we are, 2023. A new book in the sea. A new chapter within this library. And I can finally see Me.
Please join me in celebrating! Braces free 2023!