And I
This little light in the center of my chest
A light that finally allows me to take rest
And it feels like it is all mine
Like a warm glass of glug or wine
It's been poured into my soul from source
And it pulsates and glimmers and keeps me on course
It radiates like a sunbeam from deep within
And it tells me that it's okay to begin
And it tells me it's okay to look within
For joy
For completion
To fill that void
Because there is no void we do not create
And therefore there is room to celebrate!
Because it's our very own self-hate
That makes us feel like no one can relate
We can
We will
Make our own selves feel
Great
All on our own
We're not alone
And we can progress
We can rest
We can grow
We can know
All on our own
And no matter how much I want to pick up the phone
I will wait
I will fill my own cup
I will sit in my own sunshine
I will radiate like a golden dime
I will fill up my own glass of time
I will sink into this vanilla rhyme
And stir up the glitter inside
Shining for myself and the world
Opening myself and all doors
Moving forward
Staying here
Being present
Being near
And I am safe
And I am free
And I am exactly where I'm meant to be
Today I am grateful for:
- Panera Bread
- Vegetable soup
- Pickled onions
- Avocado
- Boiled Eggs
- Smoked Chicken
- Grapes
- Blueberries
- Pineapples
- Dried Figs
- Fresh mango
- Peanut butter almond milk banana smoothies
- Cyclists with their cute helmets and flowers and tiny horns
- Cafes that keep folks warm
- Frozen & Elsa & Anna & Olaf & Sven & Kristoff
- How everything reminds me of you
- For sunlight
- For midnight
- For smoke in your eyes
- For meal prep
- For feet swept
- For warm laundry
- For giant cozy coffee mugs
- For mittens & scarves & beanies & gloves
- For all the Texans who buy winter coats in August to manifest winter
- For all the kids who get to play with glitter
- For corresponding outfits
- For the small kid I played pick-a-boo with at Panera
- For kind people
- For Hawaiian shirts
- For people who are paid to flirt
- For big smiles
- For gold stars
- For Costco cards and new cars!
- For the future
- For now
- For chocolate milk
- For orange chicken
- For everything I'm not missing
- For Zumba
- For running
- For yoga
- For the YMCA
- For walking
- For soft cushy indoor tracks
- For temperature controlled swimming pools
- For motivation
- For vitamin D
- For inspiration
- For change
- For peace
- For ease
- For feeling you so close to me
What it feels like:
- being so ready
- saying you're so ready
- being so scared
- saying you can't
- There's no way
- how could they
- how could you
- and can you even take care of yourself let alone someone else?
- And then you know
- and then you doubt
- And then you scream
- And then you shout
- And you want to tell them
- And you want to whisper
- But you can't
- Or you won't
- Or you do
- Or you don't
- And you don't understand
- But you do
- And you try
- But you don't
- And you say
- But you won't
- And you reach but you don't grasp
- But then you do and it feels too fast
- And is it all worth the risk
- Is it all worth the kiss
- And how can you be sure?
- But you can't
- And you won't
- So you do
- And you don't
- But what if you can?
- What if you do?
- What happens if you do?
- Will you?
- And then it's out of control
- Because you do
- And then you realize it's another person
- A whole 'nother person
- With feelings
- With a heart
- And you don't wanna break it or them apart
- And you tell them and it's suddenly in their hands
- And that's terrifying
- And you try to help
- But you think maybe you just made it worse
- And you wanna tell them
- You wanna be direct
- You wanna tell them I want more than sex
- You wanna tell them I want to get to know you
- You wanna tell them I want to hug you and kiss you of course
- But I also just want to open the door
- And see you
- And meet you
- And spend time with you
- And see where it leads
- And see what we do
- You're fun
- And I'm fun
- And I think we'd have fun together
- And if it rains, I think we'd still enjoy the weather
- And I think this life would be a little better
- If we spent some of it together