Before
What Day 1 of Testing Positive for Covid Felt Like:
Good Cop: "You'll live. You'll be fine."
*phone rings, bad cop picks it up*
Bad Cop: "President Business, I have him right here, sir. Yes, we've told him he'll live so he doesn't try to escape, but, um... we're lying to him."
Emmit: "Wait, what did he just say?"
Bad Robot: "Hold still" "
Day 1: "So, How are you feeling?"
Like I couldn’t even remember my name
"Transform," they said
"Meld."
“Meld? Wait - are you going to melt me?”
And the pain from my third eye down my jaw was unbearable
"Release," they said, "Release:"
"We want you to find peace."
Was this the way?
Was this the only way?
"You asked for time to process", they said
"You asked for rest"
Like this?
"We're doing our best."
And my chest feels the pressure
Of a thousand pains
Of a thousand hurts
Of a thousand hesitations and flirts
And today I think I lost some hearing?
Like they are begging me to listen to only me
To only them.
And they say, “Hey!”
I know, I know, I know, I know
And they tell me how lucky I was to escape that one
and that one
and that one
and that one
and that one
and that one
and that one
and they tell me how actually what he did was really awful
and horrible
and he deserves to be held accountable
And I say, "okay, okay, but I can’t go now"
And they say, "okay, okay, but you will somehow"
And they told me to finish the play, but I said "hey, I’m barely staying awake"
And they said, "Sorry, sorry, I thought you wanted a break?"
And i said - like this?
Is this rest?
"Look, we’re all just trying our best."
And they say "Transform"
And they say "Be reborn"
And today was the first day I could take a shower
And the first time I ate more than an orange in over 24 hrs
The first time I could stay awake
So I guess that’s progress
And now there’s this cough
But the meds are helping to put in the stops.
And oh god, trying to talk?
"No no," they said, "Let’s not."
Only writing
Only words
Only whispers from dreams and singing from birds
Only the thoughts that let me know I’m alive
Only the text messages from friends telling me I’ll survive
And, hey, at least I no longer feel like I’m being burned alive
🤷♀️
"Step into your power," they say,
"We did not come to play -"
And I say, "I know, I know, I know, I know, okay?"
"The tea will help," they say
They were right.
About that anyway.
Is this your idea of a joke?
Yeaahhhh...
Today I am grateful for:
- Tea
- My friends and family
- Sleep
- A/C
- Timing
- All the wonderful people in my life
- This blog and the opportunity to express my pain and healing through words
- TikTok
- Poetry
- Having everything I could possibly need